Life As I Know It


How do you pick up what you dropped off…

How do you find your voice when you don’t speak…

How do you move forward when you barely can get yourself out of bed…

I guess you start where you are, if this is what you want. One word tap at a time not looking forward, backward or making excuses (to or against) and you just do. Even if you tap from bed 🙂 So I am starting with where I recently was… Rhinebeck!

Rhinebeck this year was a bit of a let down, and that was all my fault. I learned the rough lesson that one of my good friends from grad school is extremely self-absorbed and not trust worthy or thankful. But her being inconsiderate and flaking at the last moment didn’t mean I should flake on my preferences. It was fucking gorgeous. And I didn’t want to be around her anyways, yarn people would be better!

So I drove up through the GORGEOUS Hudson Valley pissed (excepting the moment where scanning radio stations I came upon FLASHDANCE and sang out loud with the windows open not caring I was alone). Only I got to the fairgrounds still irritated, feeling lonely. A veritable Little Miss Crabbypants as I wasn’t going to get to see Scout, I realised on the drive up that I hadn’t gotten Ann’s contact info so had no way to find her either, and I didn’t know if I would be able to track down Claudia and Silvia. I had no one to hang with and look at all the gorgeous leaves. I also had JUST missed the Punkin Chuckin… Yes that would be pity party of one called to her table. But walking around I ran into Kate (we both did double takes as well we aren’t supposed to “randomly” run into each other on *this* continent). And then Buckaroo decided to come out and play (what like we didn’t know I have multiple personalities :)) so I went straight to the animal stalls with my camera. I decided to stop wallowing in my one person pity party and try to make the best of things (one day I HAVE to learn how to use the camera cause the burning hot it is annoying the hell out of me!).

This wasn’t hurt by the fact that shortly thereafter I got a big fluffy pretzel with garlic and cheese. And then I got a text from Claudia and Silvia. YAY!!! Not all was lost. I was not going to be alone in the sea of knitting friends. I love my favorite redheaded sisters and I WAS going to get to see them 🙂 And next time I AM going to remember to take a picture of all three of us!! We chatted, I got to see a ribbon winning photo (as well as print- which I think I might try printing some of my photos thanks to Miss Inspiration herself). I even heard about the Hello Kitty yarn 🙂

And then they had to start the drive home, so I went on my way to go wander the yarn barns to see if I could eke out a purchase. While I couldn’t buy much yarn (when your travel costs bump 100%, your shopping budget goes poof!) I did get yarn. While last year I was entranced by Brooks Farms I saw nothing that pulled me in that I could tie to a project. And right now… nothing comes into this house without a project. But I did fall in love with one booth. Botanical Shades. And I got two yarns that I think I am going to really like (one is likely to become a Gretel. I saw a girl wearing on all day and DUDE I soooooo want it- I even finally bought the damn pattern; the other I might be getting more and make it into a sweater :)).

So there was my Rhinebeck. Rhinebeck of leaves and lambies… Until next year!

To be a little less vague… at the time of my last post, I was playing a game here in NYC called roommate roulette. Current situation is untenable. Current roommate is ok as a friend but as a roommate the disrespect and inconsideration I felt was too much for me to swallow anymore. I was also slightly burned as I found a place, moved myself into that mentally and it fell through. But out of the first round there was one other place I REALLY liked. And over the weekend of agony, I waited to find out if she would offer it to me…

Well she did. Then I distrusted it until there were keys in my hand and checks in theirs. And I think I might have won the roulette on this go round. Distinctly unlike me, I am feeling very positive about what is to come and enjoying things (even though this month will be a bit rough as I have a working holiday in Seattle, friends in town,  a move, and another round of contract renewals). But one thing I definitely know in all of this is that even though my independant self *HATES* asking for anyone else’s “help,” I believe in the power of all your good thoughts (not to mention that with little to consider this a blog about, some of you guys still come round and that alone makes me smile)

So for that… I thank you immensely. And promise to post again soon (I have 101 in 1001 to update if nothing else) Also I give sincere apologies for the lack of a beaujolais photo, it has been packed already… but if it helps this is what I did on my birthday, which was going on around the same time 🙂 31 is looking like it could be a good year!

Flying Trapeze

CATCH

I am still settling a lot of these things inside of me. Not a box of rocks rattling obnoxiously anymore, but there are some rocks that need to stop rolling.

This time it is a bit more than bittersweet, as this time when I left Paris… I left with all my belongings. This trip was to clean out the storage unit and really MOVE myself forward into the present. No more saying I am adjusting. This is where it is at and where I am. Time to be in the now. I know it had to be done, I even know that it is good that I did it (I should have done it 6 months ago as a matter of fact), but that doesn’t mean I wanted to. But limbo is not a good place for me, and swinging around for la vie en rose isn’t productive either. So a year later I am closing that door for the time being. Paris will always be a part of me, I still am there at least 2-3 times a year on average, and I will live there again, I dont doubt that at all… but for now I am not grounded there with my things, just my friends. At the same time I am not 100% grounded in NYC, but I am trying to move it forward.

That said the best part of my trip was catching up with my friends. Sometimes you forget how rejuvenating certain people in your life are to you. To be there with people that I know know me and love me for me. As I bounce around the planet and they do too, we all realise with those who matter and how much that community and its acceptance can mean to you. To recharge to feel like you FIT (like that perfect little black dress you have does or how that “designed for you” sweater does) makes a girl happy. The battle is just to remember, that there are those people in your life. And that despite whatever you might think… They like you. Yes Mikey they really do, and on top of that they know you too and they still LIKE YOU.

And then there is a back that is finished. Actually there is a back and one of the fronts that is finished with the last front started. But I cant really make them more interesting than I will make them when they are all in one pile and done (knitting photos leave me a little confounded sometimes). In the final knitting stretch now. Luckily for sweater possibilities, mother nature and the weather fairy seem incapable of taking their pills like the rest of us and the weather has been of a schizophrenic nature… so if I can manage to get my act together I could plausibly by next week have a finished knit to figure out how I am going to block and then force myself to seam up.

And for those interested a few small photos from Kobenhavn :

I’ll save you the deep pensive reflections currently rippling through my Walden’s Pond… You know the ones about trying to get in touch with my inner-self, what feels organic, what I want and my direction in life. I have spent the past 8 years in a somewhat insecure existence. I survive, even float and on rare occasion swim. BUT… it has come with much anxiety to Ms. Risk Averse myself. The large part of my life over the past 5 years has been lived in wee increments, such that I think 6 months is long term. Instead I’ll just subject you to a “round ’bout” discussion… 🙂

All that is to say that the anxiety knitting involved me waiting out contract negotiations (where in since the last post, I started and am half way through a clapotis- photos coming) and they have come to a positive end. Excepting this whole gastritis thing that showed up the same day I got the contract. That SUCKS and is still around GAH! But I want to try and focus getting on track. The big picture that I am working on is sometimes scary. So I want to look at a small attainable goal that gives me a sense of self, that I can control and define… I chose my wardrobe.

So as part of my “I am not on fiscal lock down anymore” modus operandus I gave myself a treat and went to see a movie. I wanted a comedy… so If went to see 27 dresses. Let the velveeta run! Now you might be asking why I am bringing this up (it isn’t to do a movie review… though the movie delivers- it is a fun cheesy chic flick)… Why, cause I have been battling my fashion sense. I am quirky, but I don’t have one of those defining senses of fashion. I am a chameleon, I adapt in part to what is around me. I would never have been able to survive the past 8 years in which I have moved 8 times and had 7 jobs with 12 different contracts; without the skill of being dropped in the FIRE and adapting so that I find my way out with out 80% of my body covered in 3rd degree burns.

What does that have to do with the price of tea in China?? Well I want Katherine Heigl’s stylist to come redo my wardrobe… Serious, I am focusing on the work clothes first and I want her clothes badly. But short of that realistically happening I want to strategise, and then shop. And I want to knit. HAHAHA… there it is! I told you I would find a way to tie it all together 🙂

Minimalist Cardigan Tangled Yoke

So I am looking at knitting two staple sweaters for the spring/summer. The two that are currently percolating on my burner… Minimalist Cardigan and Tangled Yoke. I am also futzing with which yarn to use (Berocco Ultra Alpaca and Felted Tweed) and what colour to pick (grey and teal or cranberry) for which and what…

TealGreyCranberry

In the end this one is about finding and creating a wardrobe that I love more, that fits me more perfectly, that would be in style and reflect who I am as a person more uniquely. Something that wouldnt make my mornings hellish as I attempt to determine what the hell to wear with whatever else… And also to allow me to declutter some, to leave at least 10-20% of the space in the closets, drawers, and bookshelves empty, to leave room for new ideas and better things to enter into my life.

Lead Me Into The Desert

Some Eye Candy until I can get my act together and figure out how to manipulate this bugger, as well as decide if I am FidgetyKnitting or FidgetyGirl… Deep stuff going on over here 🙂

And if you managed to find me… I encourage you to discuss among yourselves!